Call me naive, but I thought turning 18 was going to make my parents see me as an adult instantly. Where was my "get out of my house by 18" talk that everyone babbled on about?
Okay, maybe that part of seeing me as an adult instantly was an exaggeration, but I figured that I had matured enough in my 18 years of living to have some sense of freedom. I have part-time job, go to school full-time, volunteer on my free time, focused on my future, etc. I am by no means a golden child, but I believe I have met a reasonable amount of basic expectations.
I get it, my parents still see me as their little baby, especially since I am the only child. They have let loose a bit over the years but my "freedom" still screeches to a halt because of my inability to drive anywhere due to the lack of insurance and nonexistent car that I have. It inhibits my school/work schedule when it clashes with my parents who have to take me to places and is inconvenient in general. And no, public transportation is not an option. (if you know, you know)
As a result, I started saving up my money and made a huge budget to get myself a car one day. That's adulting right?
After graduating high school, most 17-19 year olds are able to serve their adulting sentence at a four year university without parentals around. I on the other hand, do not have that luxury. I do have the luxury of saving money at home and always coming home to a warm meal every night (love u mama). However, these are the years that you discover yourself and would be far less constricting if I did not have people look over my shoulder much of the time.
The point of sharing this incredibly cute and relatable tweet is, the restriction of still asking for permission to do things you have the right to, while respecting your parents at the same time is the most frustrating contradiction ever.
There came a time where I stopped asking permission to go places and instead told them where I was going out only if I already knew they approved of it. Outside of their standards and rules, there was no point of me asking because I already knew without a doubt that they answer was going to be a no.
I wondered constantly what their reasoning behind all of this was. Was it because I grew up with Chinese immigrant parents? Did they want to control how I lived my life instead of being the stereotypical "do your homework and piano lessons" type of tiger mom in high school? Was it because my mother was not educated enough to understand or their conservative ways of upbringing? Could it just be me acting out as a teenager? These thoughts run back and forth in my brain.
I realize that my parents' perspective must still see me as a "rebellious" (to their standard) teenager who just wants to get what she wants and hang out with my friends 24/7. I understand where they are coming from because I used to react out of anger as a response. Portraying to them that all I want are emotional boundaries and more control of my own decisions is a respectful and intelligent way is the hardest communication block in our relationship. Especially when a slight language barrier has always been between my mom and I.
However, now as I am 'adulting' (see what i did there?), I am growing up and maturing as one does, and have been able to take a step back and respond calmly. Even taking a step back can do everybody some good to cool down. It takes patience, practice, and most of all compassion and love for your parents because they want the best for you even if they express it in a way that does not work with your own love language and other families' love language.
Comparison my situation with other family dynamics did not help my mental health either and made me realize how lonely adulting is really was. Not everyone will be able to relate to you on some aspects of life just because of how we were all raised so differently and came from all kinds of backgrounds. It is a lonely process, but essential to growing up and taking back the control in your life.
At the end of the day, I never want to bash or hate on my parents for how they raise me. They are my family and their unconditional support gives me such a deep gratitude for them. The most important thing for me to remind myself is that they are human too and there is no guideline for the perfect parents.
This is a journey and a story that I wanted to share with others to make people feel less alone than how it still makes me feel to this day. I did not grow up in an Asian dominated town where I had people who were able to relate and as a result, most of my friends are unable to empathize and understand what I am going through from first hand experience.
Nonetheless, I could not have gone through some of the roughest patches I have had without my bestie girls listening to through the tears that streamed down my face.
Remember that you are not alone. Communicate with others on how you are feeling and feel free to reach out if you'd like to talk more about this topic.
Until next time,
Jade
