“when you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” there is a time and a place to voice your opinion on an issue, but i used to interpret this phrase as ‘suppressing all my feelings and making up excuses on why i shouldn’t communicate my thoughts to others’. which obviously wasn’t the way this quote was supposed to be interpreted. as a people pleaser, i tend to just not say anything at all when something was obviously bothering me. that became a big part of my identity of being “too nice”. i remember clearly that i had to do an activity in one of my avid class in middle school where all of us had to get in a circle and pass around a piece of paper with our name on it. each person was to say something nice about you (your name was on the top of the paper so they knew who they were talking about) but it was an anonymous comment. when i got my paper back, there was a list of “you’re nice. you’re nice. you’re nice i don’t have problems with you.” which is nice!! ironic enough right? it was a compliment and still is a compliment that i was known to be friendly to people but my point is that to a certain extent, i allowed people to overstep my boundaries. i didn’t know my own boundaries back then and didn’t understand what i tolerated.
now, i tell myself that my feelings are VALID. if my feelings are hurt, i will tell myself that “it’s normal that you’re feeling sad about this. you’re allowed to feel this way.” then, i’ll communicate with that person on what they did and we’ll usually have a mature conversation about it.
of course, i still feel terrible voicing my opinion when a server got my order wrong. however!! there is a way to get your point across without being rude!!! you don’t need an attitude to get your point across to someone. it’s not always easy to control your attitude if you’re in the hear of an argument, so take the chance to step away. my point is, if you are able to acknowledge your feelings, know your boundaries, and communicate effectively, that’s another form of self love. you know your worth. and that says something.
