Growing Up Asian American

As an ABC (American Born Chinese), there are certain struggles that I had to deal with and continue to go through that most people around me didn't exactly understand.

Photo by Yu Kato on Unsplash

1. What ethnicity are you?

I am Chinese American. At least I think I am! I can't wait to take a DNA test one day and figure out if I'm Hawaiian or something haha. Yes, one person thought I was Hawaiian because of my naturally curly/wavy, thick hair.

2. Which generation are you?

Second generation. My mom immigrated from China and did some schooling while raising me. My dad moved around a lot when he was young due to the Vietnam War like a lot of Asian families had to go through at that time. My dad eventually went to college and settled in his career to provide for my mother and I.

3. What is the first experience where you felt that demarcation of being a minority/different?

Like most Asians, our food separated us from those who were used to eating hamburgers and sandwiches for lunch. I remember when I was in elementary, we were sitting around in the hallway eating our lunch and I had some dumplings that did not smell particularly good at all but they were delicious. Once I finished, I went to social and hang out with my friends and one of them said to me, "Ugghhh your breath stinks!!" with such a disgusted face, the image hasn't left my mind.

I was hurt. It could have been a joke but I also can't clearly remember how I reacted to that situation. I think I just opened my mouth and breathed my "stinky" breath in his face like what you do when you try to clean your glasses. Or maybe that's the way I wish I reacted and wanted to show how savage I was. Either way, I went home that day and told my mom that I did not want her to make me that for lunch anymore.

4. Were you always proud of your heritage or was there a time you rejected it?

I can say without a doubt that I was not always proud of my heritage. I remember at a young age that all I wanted was to be blue eyed and blonde. I watched tv shows like iCarly and movies that showed girls with flowy, soft hair and that's all I wanted to look like instead of a black-haired, small eyed, and flat faced girl. It's sad to say but I was ashamed of being Chinese at one point and I'm not even sure why.

It all boils down to comparison and wanting what others have whether it be materialistic or not. I didn't feel beautiful with the features that I was born with. I had to learn that beauty is within and you just have to accept who you are. Slowly but surely I embraced who I was on the outside and learned to love me for me. Starting with that, I became fascinated and curious of the people who had the same heritage as me and connected with others and myself.

Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

5. What are some stereotypes that you struggle with?

"Chinese people eat dogs." I despise this statement. First off, I'm a vegetarian. Secondly, do I really have to explain that every single person is different? I can not deny that some people in China might eat dogs but I can't speak for them. It is a terrible, cruel thing and if you would like to help put an end to it, sign this petition in the link below.

https://tinyurl.com/stopyulindogeatingfestival

Another stereotype that I struggle with is the assumption that I am related to Jackie Chan simple because my last name is Chan. People ask all the time, "Are you related to Jackie Chan?" Haha, very funny. All I know is that because there is very little Asian representation on the media, people automatically assume that is what all Chinese people are like and that we are all related to each other. There is no doubt that each of us are connected somehow, but logically, think about it.

6. Can you speak your language?

Yes, I am able to speak Mandarin but not fluently. I can communicate and get by but there is so much more for me to learn. Whenever my mom spoke to me in Mandarin, I would reply in English. We had a lot of Chinglish (Chinese & English) language going on in our household and my parents and I have lots of inside jokes about it. My dad and I really only spoke English to each other because it was what we were comfortable with.

I also went to a Saturday chinese school for around 4-5 years. They were one of the happiest times of my life because I got to get involved with Chinese Folk Dance and I found that I was actually really good at it and was incredibly fun for me. I think that's when I started to embrace my culture and all the history behind me of where I came from.

7. How has being Asian American affected your relationship with your parents?

Speaking of language and how important it was, there has been a lot of hardships with how my mom and I communicate. It was easy with my dad and I because I was able to express myself better in a language that I was comfortable with so we were able to sort things out. However, with my mother not being fluent in English and me not being fluent in Mandarin Chinese, we would have a lot of miscommunication that would lead to a lot of fights.

The dynamic of having two cultures to balance is a tricky one. I kind of understand how mixed children feel. Many fundamentals of America is the American Dream. Everyone around you encourages you to go for your passion and reach for the stars. While that is truly important and I do believe in that, the Chinese culture also emphasizes filial piety. Filial piety has a history of obeying your parents and over the years has lost its true meaning. That's where many Asian Americans feel the pressure of having a medical profession, business career, or being a lawyer. We can't disappoint our parents after all they did for us right? (Well this is a topic for a different time.)

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

My point is, being Asian American affected the relationship I have with my parents in a good and bad way. It isn't the fact of being Asian American that created those difficulties with my mother, but the culture clash and having immigrant parents in general had a strong impact of my sense of self.

8. How do you feel about your heritage now? Do you identify with it?

I. seriously. love. being. Chinese. Gosh I love it. I feel so empowered when I think about how strong my people were in the past and still are to this day. It makes me extremely sad to hear about my elders' stories about how all they wanted during their childhood was to be able to eat a full meal. They were very very poor back in the day and just wanted to survive when they were our age. Yet, hearing these stories makes me proud to be Chinese. To know that they kept going and held their head up high during times like those is extraordinary and should be celebrated in every way possible.

9. What is your favorite thing about being Asian American/your heritage?

There are many things I love being Asian American despite some of the struggles that we have to go through. Being Asian American is a type of generation that is categorized in a way where we do not fully belong to Asia or America but somewhere in between.

Above all, my favorite thing about my Chinese heritage is the fundamentals and the history that is taught from generation to generation. Being compassionate, taking care of your parents, respecting your elders, and valuing your education are all core lessons that my great grandparents taught my grandparents who taught my parents who taught me. No matter how much time has changed and how different each of our culture are, loving family unconditionally has always been the top priority.